I'm told I should ask for wisdom...

If you read Proverbs in the Bible, there is a lot of talk about wisdom...what you should to do to gain it...why you should seek it...why you should ask for it.  Well.  I believe that now is one of those times.  

There are a few difficult situations in my life right now and the lives of some people that I'm closest to that I can't quite seem to get a good grasp of.

I'm finding myself wishing either life was easier or that I would have the wisdom to know what to do...what to say. 

When I try to change these situations...or when I try to help...it seems like things get worse.  Maybe I should just let things be for now...even though they can't stay the same forever.  None of this really makes any sense unless you're me...but thanks for reading this, nonetheless. 


Anywho...on a different note and a somewhat dreary one...I had my first weigh in today...I only lost 0.4 lbs.  This is disappointing...especially since the last time I did weight watchers I lost 5.8 lbs the first week.  I'm not really sure if or what I did wrong, but this week I am adding in workouts to my new healthy endeavor and hopefully it will help.  


So....if you're reading this...I could use some prayers...while my issues really aren't that dire or serious...I'm feeling so unsure of so many things right now so prayers would be appreciated. 

 

Starting over...

So, I believe that last time I wrote, I had said that I was going to begin Weight Watchers in late June.  Well things haven't exactly worked out like that.  I didn't join in late June due to the financial situation not really being in order like I would have hoped; however:

I Joined Yesterday!!! Yay, go me! 

  I have very mixed feelings but mostly I feel relief that I am finally doing it.  Still
,
It feels as though I'm staring down the barrel of a very long gun.

It's hard not to look at the bigger picture...at the 80-90 pounds I could stand to lose  (although I would be OK with 70).  It seems like it might take 20 years after forever to do this.  But,  I think I will choose to look at this differently...set smaller goals.  For instance, in weight watchers, the first goal is 5% of your weight loss.  Which, for me is 10 lbs.  Then, you have a 10% goal,   which for me is 21 lbs.  Those two seem pretty manageable.  It's when I start thinking about the lifetime goal that I feel a little threatened.  So I won't...I'll take things 10 pounds at a time.  But,

I can't wait to start seeing a difference!  

 I was looking at some old pictures from my early years of high school.  I thought I was so fat!  I wasn't!  I wasn't as thin as many of the other girls but I had a really nice figure.  It's funny how now I wish I was that size again.  
In my adult life, I have never been thin.  I have never been at a healthy weight, and I am really looking forward to having this "burden" so-to-speak off my shoulders.  So, here we go...ready or not...

Here is my before picture:

My Vessel here on Earth

I was thinking today that our bodies are the vessels that keep our souls here on earth and allow them to work.

So, what if our vessels are not as good as they should be?  What if our vessels are broken down? 

What got me thinking about this is the fact that I have started back going to the gym this week.  And BOY if I am ever sore!   Before the Gastrointestinal Module began I had been working out at least a few days a week, but it has really been about 2 months since I last worked out.  I always do this.  It is my pattern.  I will go strong for a few days, a few weeks, a few months and then I quit.

Of course there are excuses...

There's the ever popular:  I'm just so busy.   And what about,  I really need to sleep more than I need to workout. How about:  I just don't feel like it today?  I know that at times these are all valid reasons to shun some responsibilities that can be put off for later; however, I am the queen of excuses...especially when it comes to my body.  And, to make things worse...my class is almost completely full of people who do take good care of their bodies...I think this is a big sign pointing to the fact that I need to change and quickly.

It's become a crutch...

My weight, that is.  I find myself telling people, "I've always had a weight problem." It's true that I have, but what is my excuse for still having a weight problem?  The only thing that really makes any sense is a problem that I face in many areas of my life:  lack of will-power, lack of self-control.  This is especially true when it comes to food.  Food has always been there for me....like an old friend.  To comfort me when I'm stressed, upset, and sometimes even just because. 

I am unhappy with this...

I am better than this.  I know I am, and I know how to change.  I've been dieting my whole life.  I have read every book.  I know what works and what doesn't but I always give up.  I always give in.  

Part of me wonders if it is even possible to change?

I have even prayed about it.  I've asked God to create in me a more self-controlled and disciplined person, but maybe it's been inside me all along and I'm supposed to just show it. But, how to deal with my emotions without food?  That's another issue all together.  I want a vice-free life.  I want to be strong enough to shoulder my burdens without food or anything else.  When I say I'm going to do something, I want to be the type of person who does it.  I think I've mastered this concept in every other area of my life except this one.  Why not this one?  I don't think there is anything stopping me but me.  

The simple truth..

I need to lose weight.  I need to do this and not just for aesthetic reasons, but because I have dealt with this my ENTIRE life. Because I need to prove to myself that I am stronger than this.  Because my health my be in danger and my earthly vessel may be compromised someday very soon if I don't.  Also, because I think it is kind of hypocritical of me to try and teach others how to be healthy when I'm not.  

What I'm going to do about it... 

I'm going to join weight watchers.  I have a date and everything.  Two weeks from Today on June 28th is when I will be beginning this journey to a new me.  I have tried weight watchers before, and it worked, but I gave up on it.  With the excuse that, "I didn't have the money anyway."  I shudder to think about the laziness in that statement.  Some things in life are a priority.  I need to make my health one of them for the time being.  I do indeed believe that our souls are far more important than our bodies, but how am I to accomplish everything I need to accomplish in this life if I don't take care of my earthly vessel.  It starts now.  I am also on a real mission to work out at least once a day for 45 minutes to an hour 6 times a week.  SO, I need your prayers as I put this plan into action in the next few weeks.