My Vessel here on Earth

I was thinking today that our bodies are the vessels that keep our souls here on earth and allow them to work.

So, what if our vessels are not as good as they should be?  What if our vessels are broken down? 

What got me thinking about this is the fact that I have started back going to the gym this week.  And BOY if I am ever sore!   Before the Gastrointestinal Module began I had been working out at least a few days a week, but it has really been about 2 months since I last worked out.  I always do this.  It is my pattern.  I will go strong for a few days, a few weeks, a few months and then I quit.

Of course there are excuses...

There's the ever popular:  I'm just so busy.   And what about,  I really need to sleep more than I need to workout. How about:  I just don't feel like it today?  I know that at times these are all valid reasons to shun some responsibilities that can be put off for later; however, I am the queen of excuses...especially when it comes to my body.  And, to make things worse...my class is almost completely full of people who do take good care of their bodies...I think this is a big sign pointing to the fact that I need to change and quickly.

It's become a crutch...

My weight, that is.  I find myself telling people, "I've always had a weight problem." It's true that I have, but what is my excuse for still having a weight problem?  The only thing that really makes any sense is a problem that I face in many areas of my life:  lack of will-power, lack of self-control.  This is especially true when it comes to food.  Food has always been there for me....like an old friend.  To comfort me when I'm stressed, upset, and sometimes even just because. 

I am unhappy with this...

I am better than this.  I know I am, and I know how to change.  I've been dieting my whole life.  I have read every book.  I know what works and what doesn't but I always give up.  I always give in.  

Part of me wonders if it is even possible to change?

I have even prayed about it.  I've asked God to create in me a more self-controlled and disciplined person, but maybe it's been inside me all along and I'm supposed to just show it. But, how to deal with my emotions without food?  That's another issue all together.  I want a vice-free life.  I want to be strong enough to shoulder my burdens without food or anything else.  When I say I'm going to do something, I want to be the type of person who does it.  I think I've mastered this concept in every other area of my life except this one.  Why not this one?  I don't think there is anything stopping me but me.  

The simple truth..

I need to lose weight.  I need to do this and not just for aesthetic reasons, but because I have dealt with this my ENTIRE life. Because I need to prove to myself that I am stronger than this.  Because my health my be in danger and my earthly vessel may be compromised someday very soon if I don't.  Also, because I think it is kind of hypocritical of me to try and teach others how to be healthy when I'm not.  

What I'm going to do about it... 

I'm going to join weight watchers.  I have a date and everything.  Two weeks from Today on June 28th is when I will be beginning this journey to a new me.  I have tried weight watchers before, and it worked, but I gave up on it.  With the excuse that, "I didn't have the money anyway."  I shudder to think about the laziness in that statement.  Some things in life are a priority.  I need to make my health one of them for the time being.  I do indeed believe that our souls are far more important than our bodies, but how am I to accomplish everything I need to accomplish in this life if I don't take care of my earthly vessel.  It starts now.  I am also on a real mission to work out at least once a day for 45 minutes to an hour 6 times a week.  SO, I need your prayers as I put this plan into action in the next few weeks. 

Recently

Hello out there Blog world.  I though I should update this thing since I haven't in a while.  I would love to have time to every day.  I'm not the kind of person to always jump on the band wagon, but I can see why so many people do this.  It is very therapeutic.  
So I finished my first year of medical school!  I have never been so happy to finish anything maybe!  Not just because it had become a real struggle and I needed a break but also because I have that assurance that I passed.  That I did it (with God's help of course) and I don't have to look back upon the year with regret.  And you know what, even though I didn't do as well as I would have hoped...I'm not going to look back with regret on this year at all!
It is so nice to have a break.  I won't lie...I feel like that there are maybe only 60 days or so a year that I can live a normal life, and summer is one of them.  I know that someday the kind of pace that I keep up the rest of the 305 days will become normal because it is what I will be used to, but until then...these breaks are definitely what keeps me going.   Even though this past year has taken its toll on me and there are things that I'm dealing with from it....kind of a left-over stress if you will...I'm feeling rested and a little more ready to face the coming days and it has only been 2 weeks since my break began. 
My days have been going a little something like this:  wake up and around 7 or 7:30.  Go downtown to do my research til around 5.  Come home.  Veg out on the couch for another 5 hours or so and then pass out.  :)  I NEVER get to do this during the year.  Don't get me wrong...I plan on adding things into that schedule such as working out and working on some personal projects of mine.  However...I'm in no hurry right now.  There are a lot of things I need to consider right now...and I'm taking my time. 
About Research...I'm REALLY enjoying it.  I'm enjoying it a lot more than I ever thought I would.  I had less than optimal experiences with research in the past so I tried not to get my hopes up in that area.  However, the research that I'm doing now is fascinating.  Here is the really short version of what it's about.  T cells are immune cells in our bodies that help fight off infection.  The HIV virus affects your T-cells causing them to attack your own body  (autoimmune disease).  There are a subset of these T-cells that are supposed to keep your body from attacking itself that are affected by HIV called Tregs (or T-regulatory cells).  I am doing research on the part of the Tregs that are potentially changed by HIV leading to disease. 
I'm sure that most of you will skip right over that last part.  I see most peoples eyes glaze over when I start to talk about anything scientific these days.  It's okay though.  I truly do understand.  This is in part why I have begun watching T.V. because I want to have something else to talk about other than medical school.  Other than Science. 
In other news, I am just having fun hanging out with Michael and doing things with him and my family and my friends.  I look forward to more of that this summer.  This past Sunday, Michael and I went to a Jazz Festival here in Hoover.  We both enjoyed it but need to be more prepared next time because it was SO hot outside.  I enjoyed being with him mostly especially since I always feel that our times together are too brief. 
Lately, my times with Michael have been very educational.  What I mean by this is that I am learning a lot about myself.  I am learning a lot about my imperfections.  What is it about a relationship that brings out the best and worst parts of us?  For instance, my love for Michael prompted me to buy tickets to this Jazz festival because I know he is a huge fan; however, when things didn't go exactly like I thought they would this weekend, I got upset.  Best part:  I love deeply.  Worst part:  I am a perfectionist and am used to getting things my way. 
I have so much to learn.  But, there's no one I would rather learn it with...
I haven't blogged much about Michael, but I would just like to go on record as saying that he is pretty amazing.  In all ways.  And, not just because he puts up with me  but just because he is.  I know that God has big plans for him. 
Anywho, I don't have very much time to continue writing, but I am excited to see the types of things this summer will hold.  More information to come...

Teach me

Teach me, Father how to deal with this life with more grace.  Give me the wisdom to help others and to know what to say in hard times.  Sometimes I feel so helpless.  Oh hope and belief you are good ideas but you're so hard to come by. So I'll just keep believing in you...looking for you...and maybe I can help someone see it too.  He's faithful to us, but we are so unfaithful to him.  "Lord I believe, but help my unbelief... (Mark 9:24)"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K896uvFHoYY

"Morning by morning,
I wake up to find,
The power and comfort
Of God's hand in mine.
Season by season,
I watch him amazed.
In all of the mystery of his perfect ways.
All I have need of,
His hand will provide,
He's always been faithful to me.
This is my anthem
This is my song.
The theme of the story,
I've heard for so long. 
God has been faithful.  He will be again.

His loving compassion, it knows no end.

All I have need of, His hand will provide.

He's always been faithful to me
-Sarah Groves